This last work week is one that I would like to forget!!! I spent the majority of the week feeling angry and bitter, and when you carry those feelings it's hard to feel anything else.
In my office we have 3 legal secretaries working at one time. Our office is small, and our working quarters are cramped, which means it's extremely important to have a group of people who get along well. In all of the years I have worked there I have always been fortunate to have co-workers I loved and got along with well. About six years ago, shortly after I retired for the second time, a secretary was hired. This secretary is really good at her job, but her personality stinks. She is very much a passive-aggressive bully with a superior mentality. She is extremely condescending and bi-polar. Our office has even had to bring in a Mediator TWICE to help resolve conflicts between this particular secretary and two others at different times. But she is darn good at her job, so they can't get rid of her.
Things started looking up when this secretary announced her retirement. Her last day was Friday and I naively agreed to work until her position is filled. Since her position is completely different from mine, I spent the last week in training with her to learn it. Thus begins my nightmare in the work place. Monday and Tuesday was horrible! I have never in my life been talked to so rudely. Even though I was in training, she treated me like I was an idiot and should know the stuff she's training me to do. Hello ... I obviously don't, that's why you're training me! By Tuesday morning her antics brought me to tears. I was furious. That's when the bitterness started to creep in. I left work early that day and spent the rest of the day fuming.
Tuesday night Spencer gave me a pep talk and explained from his own experience how to best handle those types of people. I went to work Wednesday and not even 10 minutes had gone by before I was fit to be tied and decided to stand up for myself. I very firmly told her (okay, I might have yelled) that I would no longer allow her to talk down to me. I gave her a couple minute spiel about how she treats me and that I would no longer allow her to do so. I was so proud of myself. Her response was surprising. She apologized and told me that she didn't mean to make me feel that way, but like I said, I was already resentful. Her demeanor from then on was night and day different. I don't know if she just needed someone to stand up to her or what, but she treated me respectfully the rest of the week. Her new behavior didn't change the fact that I was still angry. Every time I would look at her or think about her all I felt was hatred.
By Friday I really felt consumed by my negative feelings. It was hard to feel anything positive. That afternoon something in me finally clicked and I realized that I had to repent of my behavior. I had absolutely no room for peace being in the state that I was. It was a hard way to learn this, but my experience this week taught me how quickly the Spirit can leave you if you allow negative feelings to consume you. Maybe in the future I don't wait so long to stand up for myself!?
Today, two days later, I can honestly say that it was only through the atonement of Christ that I was able to forgive and let go of my anger so quickly. I could never have done that on my own. I am so grateful that I know what it feels like to have the Spirit with me, and therefore be able to recognize when I don't. And I much prefer having the Spirit with me. Life is way more joyful that way! :-)
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